This previous summer saw me do pretty well online. After stringing together a couple wins i built my bankroll to the highest its ever been. Then and i went to london and stopped playing very often until i started the propbet with dbtoots which would take a chunk out of my roll. When i returned to the US i really couldnt get anything going. I put in a ton of volume over this past break and i ran deep in my fare share mtts but i couldnt close the deal on anything.
Then i cashed out half my roll to buy and xbox and i was happy to have something tangible with my poker winnings. I can tell my friend who dont play poker that i bought it with winnings and their attitude toward the game changes. They go from, wow you gamble.....to damn you can buy cool things for basically free.
But back to the story, since i bought the xbox my bankroll has simply plummeted. Absolutely nothing has gone well. I lost a survivor football pool in week 17 which would have been an awesome booster. Most recently i managed to give away close to $130 over the course of a few days at rush. the same rush which i had won about $80 just beforehand. All in all over the course of a week i sent my roll from 230, all the way back to the number it was at when i bought the xbox, to a paltry 50 bucks.
A timely victory in superbowl betting put me back up to 90 and i won some money at rush the same weekend. Since then, ive started losing again. The rolls not quite in danger land again, but its surely not in a spot im comfortable with.
Over time, if ive improved one thing about my game is my tilt control. Playing today and getting 2 outed on the river twice and having numerous big hands just run down really wasnt getting to me. Towards the end i was getting pretty upset so i simply quite the game.
The thing ive been trying to get to...is something that has been on my mind today. Maybe i just suck at poker.
My entire "career" has always felt like a continuous downswing. Of course ive had my runs, where ive strung together some mtt wins or cash success but i think the vast majority of my playing has been breaking even or losing Or ill have weeks where i win small win small and then lose huge.
Ive always felt as though Im terribly unlucky. I run really fucking bad. Ask any of the people who have grinded with me....Its not uncommon for me to get 2 or 3 outed in a huge spot of an mtt. But the nagging feeling is that i dont know if its reasonable to blame luck any more. Its gotten to the point where every time i open full tilt im probably going to lose. So whats the fucking point. Clearly i have missed the boat on how to succeed.
Ive won a number of mtts. Ive had final table scores too. But is it more reasonable to assume that those occasions were me getting ridiculously lucky and running well? Am i the donk that people curse from behind their monitor?
I dont know anymore. Id like to think im good at this game. Id LOVE to get to the point where i could win a couple hundred bucks a month playing and create some spare income. But i dont know.
